Joys and Sorrows

My Spirit Follows You

The report arrives and in it are words that I don’t want to hear – the cognitive rating for my mother is severe impairment, the worst rating possible. My beloved mother is disappearing from me. Dementia is taking its toll. While I have known this day is coming, I am overwhelmed by how fast this dreaded disease has sapped the life out of my dear, sweet mother. My mother has always been a strong woman of faith who loves and cherishes her dear ones. Even though she and I live a great distance apart, we have always maintained a close connection. She has been my cheerleader, my confidante, my mentor. I am who I am because of her dedication to guide me and help me build a better life. My life with my mother has been full of partings – those tear-jerking moments when we hug for one last time and then must depart for our homes. These moments have become harder as my mother has become frailer. Each time I leave I wonder if this will be the last time I see her on this earth. One particular parting moment will be entrenched in my brain forever. It was the last time I saw my mother in her own home and it was the last time I had a coherent conversation with her. As I prepared to exit through her doorway I turned to look back at her sitting in her recliner. Some of our conversation that day had been convoluted as she was showing signs of confusion. At that last moment, however, my mother looked up at me with clear eyes and using a purposeful voice sent me off with words she had never done before. Her words? A blessing – “The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make His face to shine up on you and be gracious to you. The Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace.” It was as if she knew she had one last moment to bless my life. She wanted me to know that her spirit would follow me and this beautiful blessing was her way to let me know that. Everything that mattered to her was built into that moment. This ancient blessing said all she needed to say to me as a mother. She was reminding me to look to the only One who can sustain me – the One who will hold me close as I grieve the loss of her and who she was. This blessing reminds me that God will give me peace, no matter what happens. My mother has lived a life of faith and has trusted in God to take care of her and her loved ones. In her parting words, she was entrusting me to our loving Heavenly Father. She knew that, while she could no longer offer me the support she once could; she was now reminding me that the God who has sustained her throughout her life would do the same for me. My mother’s blessing, given in the words of Scripture, is a life changing memory for me. It reminds me that my mother’s spirit will follow me wherever I go. It will work through me as I myself am a parent and as I seek to minister to others. It points me to all I need for both this life and the next.